When I think of October, November, & December, I see golden bells that shine so bright you can hear the twinkle of the gold design. smelling fresh baked cookies & frosting, cinnamon, and that red candle that just smells like Christmas time.
And my next thought? They are mostly visuals - of the typical romanticism that comes with this time of year and I ask myself, “How shall I indulge in the merriment of this season?”
Binge watch holiday movies?
Bake cookies and decorate them?
Build gingerbread house? That could be fun.
Or throw a party keeping in mind it can’t be on the day of the holiday everyone has somewhere to be.
Which brings me to the thought that implodes in the same way any turkey being deep fried on thanksgiving is bound to do.
How do I create joy with a party of one?
I’m not the only person who can be alone without family, with great friends who are away with family, and unsure of how to create their own holiday celebration.
I also know what it is I want.
A connection. That connection with another human being who sees me in this big & complex world. When there are 7.8 billion people in the world and just one of them looks at me and says, “I see you and I know you & I love you”.
Now when I am surrounded by festivities, decor and moments that inspire me to leap out of my skin, run straight for the door and reach for the thing you want most in the world; that it is only waiting for you to step out and say ‘here I am’.
I step out of my door, saying very loudly, “here I am!”
I might have heard a cough or cricket, or those could have just been induced by my 2020 anxiety driven panic that just creeps into your spine, ya know? Either way.
I find myself a millennial who is empowered, outspoken, driven, and just looking for the same thing everyone is,
Love; a connection.
Its 2021 and I’m not sure what Love is anymore or how to find it. Our culture is changing and our society is evolving (Yay!) and we still have a long way to go. What does that mean for Love?
What does that mean for connection? How do we keep up with this ever changing structure and some how connect with those people within reach?
I hear the crickets louder and louder…with the added pressure of the cough from an audience that is just waiting to see what mistake I will make. Only to watch me fall and struggle to pick myself up, while making sure I smile and ‘be happy’. Ugh, gag!
As the revolution and evolution continue, these notions of love, worthiness, kindness, courage, strength; what do they become? I have no answers—only hope that one day soon these notions will rise up and I will finally see what they have evolved into.
As my writing and the year comes to a close, I look forward to new beginnings, hopeful of the joy it will bring and the connections I will make.
If I can finish this off with a quote by Steve Jobs, from his Apple launch in ‘97:
“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes ... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. ... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things. ... They push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do."
I know what I’m looking for & I’m determined to find it.
Happy new beginnings from me to you.
See you next year!